


Old Scars / Future Hearts

by noisestorms (fishcake)



Category: GOT7, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, Drug Use, M/M, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-23
Updated: 2016-05-23
Packaged: 2018-06-10 08:14:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6947104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fishcake/pseuds/noisestorms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>There’s nothing worse than loneliness.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Old Scars / Future Hearts

  
  
[x](http://sugagifs.tumblr.com/post/117177695323)   


There’s nothing worse than loneliness. When the one thing that makes you whole is ripped from you, and you are left with an empty half, what is the point?

Yoongi rolls over in bed and accidentally drops his cigarette. It lands on his arm and he hisses, wiping away the ashes and putting out the cigarette, burning a hole in the bedsheets. Yoongi stares at the motel wall. It’s dirty, and he’s pretty sure there’s mold growing in the corner of the room. It doesn’t matter. He’s leaving tomorrow anyway.

Sometimes, Yoongi wonders if Jaebum is a dream. He has to wonder if he’s chasing after something that doesn’t exist. Sometimes, it sure feels that way, but he remembers the feel of Jaebum’s skin. He remembers Jaebum’s smile, and he remembers the way Jaebum said his name.

Min Yoongi hates Im Jaebum. He hates that Jaebum left without a word. He hates that Jaebum tore him apart. Jaebum was his, and Yoongi didn’t need anything else, because Jaebum made him complete. Yoongi wishes he never left. Yoongi thinks, the thing he hates the most, is that he doesn’t hate Jaebum, even after everything.

-

_Jaebum plops down next to Yoongi, shoving his face into the crook of his neck. Yoongi feels at ease when Jaebum touches him. “Hyung,” Jaebum says. The sky is dark. It’s going to rain. Jaebum tells Yoongi this and Yoongi grabs his hand._

_“That’s okay.”_

_Jaebum laughs, “You don’t want to go inside?”_

_Yoongi shakes his head. The first drop of rain falls on Yoongi’s nose, and the rest is a blur._

-

Yoongi is soaked when he reaches the next motel. He doesn’t know where he is, or how much money he has left. He hopes he doesn’t run out. “Just for tonight. A smoking room, please,” he says, pulling out his wallet. It looks like he has quite a bit left, but he doesn’t bother counting. This motel is cheaper than the last. Yoongi hopes there isn’t mold growing in this one.

He heads to the room and surprisingly, it’s cleaner than the last. He dumps the contents of his backpack onto the bed. A few loose pills fall out, along with his clothes and pack of cigarettes. Yoongi puts his clothes by the air conditioner so they can dry. The rain soaked through his backpack and wet everything. He grabs one of the plastic cups provided by the motel, sitting next to the sink, and fills it with water. He downs two random pills that fell onto the bed and lies down, waiting for them to kick in.

He lost his cellphone somewhere between motel 3 and motel 6. He didn’t bother going back, simply because he truly didn’t know where he is. He still doesn’t know.

Yoongi doesn’t know what he’ll do when he finds Jaebum. Would Jaebum even want to see him? What if Jaebum left to get away from him? Maybe Jaebum isn’t even in South Korea anymore. Maybe he’s in a different country, a different continent. Yoongi turns onto his side and curls up into himself. He hopes Jaebum is here. He won’t give up until he finds him.

He opens one of the compartments in his backpack and his iPod is sitting in a plastic bag. He purposefully put it in there, just in case it were to get wet. His vision is starting to turn blurry, his blood thrumming in his veins. He turns his iPod on, putting the volume all the way up and placing it by his head so he can listen.

He grabs his lighter and damp carton of cigarettes, lighting one. Luckily, the contents stayed dry since they were under a bunch of clothes.

He inhales slowly, blowing smoke to the ceiling. He wonders what Jaebum would think if he knew Yoongi acquired these habits. Yoongi just feels too empty. At least, when he’s smoking or drinking or popping pills, he can distract himself from the hole in his chest.

-

_“You dyed your hair,” Yoongi comments when Jaebum walks through the door._

_Jaebum’s cheeks flush, mimicking the pink bangs in his newly bleached hair. “Do you like it?” He sits beside Yoongi on the bed, their thighs touching._

_Yoongi nods. Jaebum would probably look good with any hair color, but this suits him well. Jaebum seems relieved at Yoongi’s approval. Yoongi reaches over and touches the blond. It’s dry. He grabs Jaebum’s chin and Jaebum looks at him, blinking. Yoongi surges forward, their lips coming together._

_Jaebum lets him push him back, and Yoongi hovers over him, gently running his fingers over his cheek._

_The CD he has playing loops back to the first song. Jaebum smiles into Yoongi’s mouth._

-

Yoongi stops walking, staring into the store in front of him. He decides to go inside, and his eyes travel upwards to the large sign that says _R &B_. Yoongi stands there, taking everything in. It feels like forever since he’s last been in a music store. There are mixtures of CDs and vinyl. He thinks Jaebum would like it here.

“Hey, can I help you?”

Yoongi glances over at the employee that just approached him. His nametag reads _Seokjin_. “I’m just looking, thanks.” The boy nods and turns to walk away but Yoongi says, “Wait.” Seokjin looks at him, raising an eyebrow. “Do you…know anyone named Im Jaebum?”

“Im Jaebum? Never heard the name. Is he a singer? I don’t think we carry him here.”

“No he’s...never mind. Thanks.” Yoongi walks off to the back of the store, staring up at all of the vintage-looking posters with old school R&B singers on them. They all look like things Jaebum would hang up in his room. Jaebum was always into that genre. Yoongi preferred rap, but whenever Jaebum came over, Yoongi let him pop in his favorite CDs. They almost always consisted of soul. He misses Jaebum’s voice. 

Yoongi is hit with a wave of sadness and walks out without a word. He hails a taxi and says, “Just…take me as far north as $40 can get me.”

-

_Before Yoongi heads to the cafeteria to meet Jaebum, he heads to the restroom. Except, what he sees is Jaebum bent over a sink, blood dripping from his nose. Yoongi rushes over, “What the fuck happened to you?”_

_“Nothing,” Jaebum says, covering his face and going into the largest stall before anyone else walks in. Yoongi follows him, locking the door. Jaebum gently blows his nose and Yoongi notices the dark red mark on his face._

_Yoongi pries, “Jaebum, tell me.”_

_Jaebum washes his face with water to get rid of the blood. “Don’t worry about it, hyung, please.”_

_Distressed, Yoongi says, “How can I not worry? It’s obvious someone fucking punched you. Tell me who did it!”_

_Jaebum reaches out with a wet hand and places it on Yoongi’s shoulder. He looks at him, light pink water sliding down his chin. “I’ll take care of it. Trust me, okay?” Jaebum stares at himself in the mirror, “Do you think it’s broken?” He softly touches his nose and cringes. “I should go to the nurse…”_

_“Come on, then.” Yoongi grabs a wad of paper and hands it to Jaebum so he doesn’t drip blood everywhere. He wraps an arm around Jaebum’s waist and guides him to the nurse._

_“I don’t think it’s broken,” Jaebum says as he sits on one of the beds. “It just hurts really badly.”_

_The nurse nods, “You’d know if it was broken. The pain would be unbearable.” She hands him an ice pack and asks, “Did someone do this to you? Do you want to report it?”_

_Jaebum quickly shakes his head, “No, no, it’s okay. I’m fine, really.” He notices the way Yoongi’s fists clench and shoots him a look. Yoongi sighs and plops down beside him._

-

“Fuck,” Yoongi hisses as he accidentally nicks his cheek. Blood drips down his jaw, to his neck. He sets down the razor and washes his face in the sink. He grabs a small towel and presses it to his face, going to lie in bed.

He fumbles with his lighter and grabs a cigarette. Smoke fills the room and he wishes he could suffocate in it. Yoongi sighs, “Jaebum-ah,” turning onto his side. He closes his eyes and rests his cheek on the small towel. The tiny cut has probably stopped bleeding by now. It wasn’t too serious.

A knock on the door snaps him from his daze. He sits up, furrowing his eyebrows. Another knock. Yoongi gets up and goes to answer it. In front of him, he sees someone that looks vaguely familiar. But he can’t put his finger on it. “Can I help you?”

“You looking for some company?”

Yoongi blinks. He lowers his cigarette from his mouth. “Uh, no…”

“You’re cute so I’ll give you a discount. Twenty five for a blowjob.”

Yoongi shakes his head, “I’m not looking for company, thanks.” He goes to close the door but asks, “What’s your name?”

The boy appears surprised. “You can call me Junior if you’re so inclined.”

Yoongi hums, taking a drag from his cigarette and blowing the smoke away from Junior’s face. “That’s not your real name.”

“It isn’t, but you’re wasting my time now. If you’re really not interested then I’ll go.”

Yoongi doesn’t say anything in response. He simply watches him walk away. Junior. Yoongi feels like he’s seen his face before. He locks the door and goes back to bed, putting out his cigarette. He grabs the blanket and pulls it up to his chin. His stomach growls but he ignores it.

Yoongi wonders why sometimes, he feels like he’s remembering things that didn’t happen, things that possibly couldn’t have happened.

-

_Yoongi runs a hand through Jaebum’s hair, placing a snack on his desk. Jaebum squeezes his eyes shut for a moment before looking up at him, “Thank you.”_

_“You should take a break. Your eyes are bloodshot.”_

_“Are they?” Jaebum reaches up and rubs at his eyes. He has three open textbooks in front of him. He’s been studying for the past six hours straight. “I hate exam week.” He grabs the granola bar Yoongi set next to his hand and unwraps it, shoving half of it into his mouth in one go. “You know, I regret it sometimes.”_

_Yoongi sits on Jaebum’s bed and Jaebum turns to him, still eating. Yoongi asks, “Regret what?”_

_“Going to college.” Jaebum shoves the rest of the granola bar into his mouth and gets up, taking a seat beside Yoongi. He wraps his arms around him and Yoongi drags him back so they’re both lying down. Jaebum tucks his head under Yoongi’s chin. “I want to quit.”_

_“You’re almost done, though.”_

_“I know,” Jaebum softly says. He grabs the front of Yoongi’s shirt and mumbles, “I’m really hungry.”_

_“Do you want to go to the diner? I’ll pay.”_

_Jaebum nods, “Yes please.”_

_Yoongi kisses the top of his head and Jaebum goes to get dressed._

-

Yoongi is half-asleep at the table when the waitress comes by. She asks, “Are you alright, sir? What can I get you to drink?”

“Coffee, please.” Yoongi feels like his body is trying to shut itself down, like it’s yelling at him to get some proper sleep. He can’t. Every time he tries, it’s restless. He can’t rest until he finds Jaebum. The waitress returns quickly with a cup and Yoongi is tempted to drown himself in it.

“Are you ready to order?”

He glances down at the menu, “Can I just have some bacon and eggs?”

“White toast?”

“Yes please.” She goes to walk away but Yoongi says, “Wait.” The waitress turns to him and Yoongi asks, “Do you know anyone named Jaebum? Im Jaebum?”

She thinks about it for a moment. “The name sounds familiar but I’m not sure. Sorry. Are you looking for him? If he comes by often I’m sure someone here knows him.”

Yoongi sits up straight. Sounds familiar? “Could you maybe ask the staff if they know who he is?”

“Sure. Let me put in this order and I’ll be right back.”

Yoongi can hear his heart beating in his ears. He feels like he can’t breathe. The possibility of someone actually knowing Jaebum…Yoongi tells himself not to get his hopes up. The waitress returns a few minutes later and sadly says, “Sorry, no one here knows an Im Jaebum.”

“It’s fine. Thank you.” Yoongi slumps in his seat, idly stirring his coffee. Maybe Jaebum came here, maybe they just don’t remember. He sighs and rubs his face. Life is too tiring. He gulps down his coffee and feels it burn his mouth.

When the waitress brings by his food, she asks, “What’s your name? If Im Jaebum comes in, I’ll tell him you stopped by.”

Yoongi smiles, “Min Yoongi.”

“Min Yoongi. I’ll be sure to keep an eye out.”

Yoongi eats his breakfast in silence. If Jaebum comes, he won’t know where Yoongi is. But at least he’ll know he’s looking for him.

-

_“That’s disgusting,” Jaebum comments as he looks up from his book. “You shouldn’t start smoking. It’s a bad habit. And you’ll smell and taste bad.” Yoongi stares at the cigarette in his hand. He puts it out against the windowsill. Jaebum dog-ears the page in his book and closes it. “Why would you start smoking anyway?”_

_“I don’t know,” Yoongi mumbles. “I’m stressed.”_

_“There are better ways to take care of that,” Jaebum says. He beckons him over and Yoongi flops down onto the bed. “Plus, I don’t want you to get sick because of it.” Yoongi holds out his arms and Jaebum curls up to him. Jaebum grumbles, “You stink already. It’s all over your clothes.” He moves away and Yoongi takes off his shirt._

_Yoongi buries his face in Jaebum’s neck. “I’m sorry. I’ll stop.” He trails his fingers down Jaebum’s chest, hovering over the hem of his shirt. “Let’s shower so I can get rid of the smell.”_

_“Okay.”_

-

Yoongi slides a few bills to the man in front of him, getting a baggie with pills in return. He mumbles, “Thanks,” and heads in the opposite direction. He stuffs the baggie into his pocket and goes to the nearest motel. He’ll stay there tonight.

There are people smoking in the parking lot. He walks past them quickly, hoping they don’t cause him any trouble. He walks to the receptionist. “Do you have any rooms available for tonight?”

The man behind the counter nods. “Smoking or non-smoking?”

“Smoking.”

“May I see your ID?”

Yoongi slides his ID over and leans against the counter. He asks, “Do you know someone named Im Jaebum?”

The guy squints at him. “Stayed here a few days ago.” Yoongi feels tears pool in his eyes. The guy asks, “You alright, man?”

Yoongi desperately asks, “Did he tell you anything?”

“No.”

A few days ago. How far could have Jaebum gone in a few days? The guy hands back his ID and Yoongi clutches it tightly, blinking back tears, trying to focus his vision. He pays for the night and a key is slid over to him. Yoongi grabs it with a shaky hand. He chokes out, “Thanks,” turning to leave to his room.

“Hey, wait.” Yoongi stares at the man. “You know this Im Jaebum? I doubt he’s gonna come back here. He left something.” He grabs something from behind the desk and holds it out. Yoongi stares at the item in his hand. “I was just going to toss it out but. Whatever.” Yoongi grabs the snapback, trembling uncontrollably.

“Thank you. Thank you so much.”

The guy seems pretty confused. “No problem?”

Yoongi tightens his grip on his backpack, rushing out to go to his room. The snapback reeks of cigarettes. He wonders if Jaebum picked up the same habit, or if it just acquired the smell. He locks the door and goes to sit on the bed. He holds the hat in his hands, inspecting it. The tag on the inside has _JB_ written on it in sharpie. Yoongi actually laughs. Of course Jaebum would write his initials on a snapback.

He holds it to his chest and curls up to himself on the bed. Yoongi allows himself to cry. He feels so close to Jaebum. If Jaebum was here, is he looking for him too? Yoongi hiccups, feels like he can’t breathe. He reaches into his pocket and grabs the baggie of pills, taking one out and dry swallowing it.

Jaebum. Jaebum. When Yoongi closes his eyes, he sees his face.

Yoongi feels a bit sick after a few minutes. This isn’t supposed to happen. He gets up and rushes to the bathroom, throwing up into the toilet. He grabs his stomach, feeling immense pain. Perhaps the pill was laced with something. Everything is happening too fast. He gasps for air, his head pounding.

The last thing he registers is his head hitting the bathroom floor.

-

_When Yoongi walks into Jaebum’s room, it’s a mess. He blinks. “Dude. What the fuck?”_

_Jaebum is practically tearing everything apart. It’s clear he’s looking for something. “I lost it. Hyung, I lost my fucking ring.”_

_Yoongi’s eyes widen. “But you never take that ring off.”_

_“I _know_. How the fuck did I lose it? Oh my god. I’m so sorry.”_

_Yoongi walks over to him, placing both hands on Jaebum’s shoulders. Jaebum’s face is tear-stained. “Don’t worry. It’s okay. I’m sure you didn’t lose it on purpose, it’ll turn up. Just calm down.”_

_Jaebum lets out a shaky exhale, and begins wailing. Yoongi is taken off guard, but he pulls him close, letting Jaebum bury his nose in the nape of his neck. Jaebum sobs pathetically, apologizing profusely. “You bought me that ring and I fucking lost it. I’m so sorry, hyung. I’m sorry.”_

_“Jaebum-ah. I’m not upset over it. If anything I can buy you a new ring.” Jaebum sighs and Yoongi says, “I know it’s not the same but it’d still be something. Take some deep breaths.”_

_Jaebum never took off that ring. Yoongi bought it for him in their freshman year of high school, promising him that he’d never leave him. Jaebum took such care of that ring, his biggest fear was to lose it. Yoongi knows he didn’t just throw it somewhere._

_Jaebum calms down after a few minutes. He sniffles against Yoongi’s shoulder, “Sorry, Yoongi hyung.” He pulls back and takes Yoongi’s face into his hands, bringing their lips together. “I’ll keep looking but I don’t know where it could have gone…”_

_Yoongi softly says, “Don’t worry too much, okay?” Jaebum is too distressed._

_“Okay.”_

_“Lay down. I’ll pick this stuff up.”_

-

Yoongi wakes up with a throbbing pain in his head. He sits up and looks down at the floor, seeing blood. How hard did he hit himself? He gets up, almost toppling over due to dizziness, and goes to look at himself in the mirror. His temple is covered in dried blood.

He washes the blood away, trying to be gentle. It isn’t until he turns around to grab his backpack that he notices the mess.

Yoongi’s first instinct is to panic. Did someone break in? Did they steal his stuff? He sees his backpack open on the bed, his clothes strewn around the room. He hurries over and sorts through all of the things that are scattered on the bed. Cigarettes, his lighter, his iPod, a few pills, his wallet. His wallet. He quickly opens his wallet and finds that there is no money missing.

Strange. He notices that the small baggie of pills he bought yesterday is missing. Good riddance. It’ll probably get someone killed. He grabs Jaebum’s snapback and lets out a relieved sigh. Even if everything else got stolen, thank god this is safe.

The sunlight is seeping through the curtains and Yoongi shoves all of his things back inside his backpack. He wonders who would come in here for just some pills, but figures it doesn’t matter since nothing valuable was taken.

He puts on Jaebum’s snapback and heads out to the lobby to return the key to the room.

The same man from last night is sitting at the front desk. He takes in Yoongi’s disheveled appearance. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Yoongi places the key on the desk. “Thank you.”

“I hope you find your Im Jaebum.”

“Thanks.”

Yoongi decides to go east today.

-

_The only thing Yoongi can smell is the alcohol on Jaebum’s breath. Jaebum is laughing into his ear, pressed right up against him. Jaebum grabs his hips and guides him to the bed. Yoongi falls backwards and Jaebum topples forward, his wet lips attaching themselves to Yoongi’s neck, biting and licking in a way that will surely leave marks._

_Jaebum’s fingers push up the hem of his shirt to take it off. Yoongi arches up, yanking on Jaebum’s hair to crush their lips together. Yoongi’s vodka breath mixes with Jaebum’s and it makes his head spin. Jaebum grinds down against him, moaning shamelessly into Yoongi’s mouth._

_Yoongi grabs his ass, bringing him down harder. Jaebum rolls his hips and sighs, “Let me fuck you.” Yoongi hums and nods and Jaebum starts to undo his jeans, fingers fumbling with the button._

_Yoongi laughs and pushes his hand away to do it himself. Jaebum busies himself with sucking a spot into Yoongi’s collarbone. Yoongi figures he might as well take Jaebum’s pants off while he’s at it. Jaebum slurs, “Love you, hyung.”_

_“I love you, Jaebum.” Yoongi pushes his jeans down and Jaebum slips out of them, taking his shirt off._

_As Jaebum lies on top of him, flush against him, Yoongi wonders why it feels like Jaebum’s heart is beating in his chest instead of his own._

-

Yoongi adjusts the snapback on his head—Jaebum’s snapback, as he heads into the convenience store. He has two cigarettes left and needs to buy more before he runs out. The emptiness in his chest doesn’t feel as prevalent as it has been. Maybe it’s because he feels like he’s getting closer. At least he knows Jaebum is still in South Korea.

As he places a chocolate bar on the counter and requests a pack of cigarettes, he asks, “Do you know anyone named Im Jaebum?”

The cashier shakes her head as she scans his items. “I don’t, sorry.”

“Um, he has black hair. And two birthmarks over his eye.”

She stops for a moment, “Wait. Yeah, he came in here yesterday to buy some ramen.”

Yoongi fights back tears once again. He can almost feel Jaebum’s skin under his fingertips. He hands the woman some cash and says, “Thank you so much.”

“Have a nice day!”

Yoongi stuffs his cigarettes into his backpack and unwraps the chocolate bar, taking a bite. If Jaebum was here yesterday, he couldn’t have gone far. If Yoongi is fast enough, maybe he can find him here. He makes sure to stare at every face he passes by. He needs to find Jaebum, he needs to see him.

He searches for the rest of the day, but when the sun starts to set, he thinks maybe Jaebum is in the next city over already. Yoongi slumps as he walks to the nearest motel. It looks pretty shady, and Yoongi doesn’t necessarily feel safe, but it’ll have to do.

He asks the receptionist as he slides over some money, “Have you seen a guy with two birthmarks over his eye?”

“I don’t know, dude. Here.” Yoongi is handed a key and he resists the urge to roll his eyes as he turns to walk away.

He looks around to make sure he’s not being watched and heads into the room. He digs in his backpack for a loose pill and dry swallows it. He grabs a cigarette and lights it, sitting on the edge of the bed. He removes the snapback from his head and places it in his lap, running his fingers over it.

He should probably shower. Yoongi finishes his cigarette quickly and tosses it into the trash. He grabs a pair of clean clothes. He went to the laundromat the other day; it was well needed.

As he turns the shower on, he feels the effects of the pill, his head fuzzy like white noise.

-

Yoongi lets the motel room door close behind him as he heads back to the lobby to return the key. He’s starving, having only eaten a chocolate bar yesterday. He stops by the nearest convenience store and grabs two muffins and some milk. He buys a new lighter since his is running low on fluid.

He sits outside on the curb, opening the first muffin and taking a huge bite. He can’t help but take a cigarette out of his backpack, placing it beside the second muffin for later.

“You shouldn’t smoke.”

Yoongi doesn’t turn his head. People need to stop poking their noses in other people’s business.

“I’m glad you found my hat.”

At that, Yoongi turns, looking up. The muffin in his mouth suddenly feels dry. He swallows it, feeling it slide down his throat. Yoongi stands on unstable legs.

“Hi, Yoongi hyung.” With a blindingly bright smile and glassy eyes, Jaebum steps forward. “I’ve been looking for you.”

Yoongi can’t breathe. The lump in his throat becomes larger as Jaebum approaches him. Yoongi is afraid to blink. Maybe Jaebum will disappear again.

Jaebum reaches out to touch him and Yoongi feels his entire body get set ablaze. He chokes out, “Jaebum.” Jaebum sobs into the crook of his neck. Yoongi slides a hand into his hair, holding him close. He says again, “Jaebum.”

Jaebum manages between hiccups, “I can’t believe I found you.”

Yoongi’s legs give out. The fall onto the sidewalk and Jaebum hugs him tighter. The feeling in Yoongi’s chest is so unfamiliar, so strange. He feels complete.

-

_“He doesn’t fucking exist, Jaebum! You’ve never fucking known a Min Yoongi in your god damn life!”_

_Jaebum growls, “Fuck you, Mark. I’m leaving, and I’m going to find him.” Jaebum gets up and goes to walk out, but Mark grabs his wrist. “Let go of me.”_

_“Jaebum,” Mark says. “Don’t fucking let some imaginary guy ruin you.”_

_Jaebum clenches his jaw and Mark lets go of him. Jaebum snaps, “He’s not imaginary.”_

_“Where’s the ring, Jaebum? Where are the fucking records he bought you? And why don’t you even have his fucking phone number if he means so much to you, if you’ve been together for so long?” Jaebum’s hands begin to shake. He opens and closes his mouth. He can’t answer that. “He’s not real, Jaebum.” At Mark’s words, Jaebum breaks down, crying uncontrollably. Mark wraps his arms around him and Jaebum’s tears wet his shirt. “Just calm down. Let’s go out for some ice cream or something.”_

_Jaebum shakes his head and pushes Mark away. “I’m going to find him, Mark.”_

_“Don’t leave,” Mark squeaks._

_“I’m sorry.”_

-

_“What the fuck are you talking about?”_

_Yoongi rolls his eyes and laughs, “Jaebum, you idiot!” He grabs another slice of pizza and shoves half of it in his mouth. Namjoon has never had a great memory anyway._

_Namjoon raises an eyebrow, “Who the fuck is that?”_

_Yoongi appears confused. “Im Jaebum! We went to school together. Come on, man, you don’t remember? I dated him.”_

_Looking up from his pizza slice, Namjoon says, “Dude, you’ve never dated anyone named Jaebum. Unless you dated him secretly and never told me.” Yoongi stares blankly at the box of pizza on the table. Namjoon asks, “Are you high right now?”_

_“No,” Yoongi scoffs. “How could you not remember Jaebum? He was the world to me.”_

_“I’m sure I’d remember him if he meant that much to you. You sure you didn’t just dream him up?” Namjoon laughs._

_At this point, Yoongi isn’t sure of anything anymore._

-

“You don’t remember that?”

Yoongi blinks. Why do they have different memories of each other? “I don’t, Jaebum.”

Jaebum purses his lips. “I suppose it doesn’t matter.” He looks down at Yoongi’s backpack, sees his pack of cigarettes inside. “You shouldn’t smoke. It makes you smell and taste bad.”

“I was stressed,” is all Yoongi says.

Jaebum crawls over to him, flopping down on top of him and breathing against his neck. “I missed you.”

Yoongi slides his arms around Jaebum’s waist, “I missed you, too.”

Jaebum shifts and kisses him, his soft lips fitting perfectly against Yoongi’s. With confident hands, he pushes up Yoongi’s shirt, grinding down against his thigh. Yoongi undoes Jaebum’s belt and Jaebum whispers, “Hyung.” Yoongi doesn’t respond, and it seems like Jaebum didn’t expect him to, as they both simply undress in silence.

Jaebum’s hands are hot on Yoongi’s skin, burning him like the cigarettes Yoongi has dropped on himself countless times. Jaebum’s teeth scrape his neck, desperately trying to mark him, hoping he doesn’t fade away. He’s breathing hard and Yoongi softly says, “Hey, it’s okay,” running his hands down Jaebum’s back.

Letting out a whine, Jaebum lazily ruts against him. He shoves a leg between Yoongi’s thighs, spreading them and sitting up. Jaebum takes in all of the skin in front of him, the skin that belongs to him, the skin that seems so familiar, yet feels so foreign under his fingertips.

Jaebum sucks two fingers into his mouth, getting them wet before pressing one into him. Yoongi inhales deeply and Jaebum asks, “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Keep going.”

None of this feels real. Yoongi can’t believe Jaebum is in front of him, can’t believe Jaebum is touching him. If this is a dream, Yoongi hopes he doesn’t wake up from it. He’d rather live in this lie than go back to living a life without Jaebum.

By the time Jaebum is pushing in, their bodies are covered with thin veils of sweat. Jaebum leans down, rolling his hips, nuzzling his nose against Yoongi’s throat. He bites down on his Adam’s apple, drawing out a loud moan from Yoongi, his hands coming up and yanking Jaebum’s hair.

Yoongi breathes, “Don’t leave.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Jaebum mumbles, thrusting into him, reaching in between them to wrap his fist around Yoongi’s cock. 

All of the time Yoongi has spent searching, Jaebum has been searching too. Yoongi had doubted the concept of soulmates, had considered giving up on trying to find Jaebum. He thought to himself, why would the universe pull him away from someone he was meant to be with? He figured, if he truly deserved Jaebum, he would have to fight for him.

“You’re thinking too much,” Jaebum whispers.

Yoongi asks, “And you’re not?”

Jaebum laughs softly, “I’m just happy. You’re not going to disappear.”

Yoongi runs his fingers through Jaebum’s hair and wonders what tore them apart in the first place.

-

The front door opens slowly. Yoongi is met with a familiar pair of eyes.

“You’re back—holy shit.” Yoongi has never seen Namjoon cry. Until now. Namjoon pulls him in for a crushing hug. “I tried calling you, you fucking asshole. It’s been a year. I almost called the cops, I thought something happened to you.”

Yoongi rasps, “I lost my phone.” A year. How did that much time go by? Yoongi pulls back, “This is Jaebum.”

Namjoon stares hard. “Wait—Jaebum?” Yoongi can see it on his face. Namjoon never believed him. It’s as if Yoongi’s imaginary friend just came to life. “Well, shit. I’m Namjoon.”

With tears in his eyes, Jaebum shakes Namjoon’s hand. Yoongi guides him inside. Namjoon comments on Yoongi’s appearance, “You look fucking terrible.”

Yoongi empties his backpack onto the coffee table in the living room. Namjoon eyes the pills that fall, shooting Yoongi a disappointed glance. Yoongi doesn’t mention it, simply picks the pills up and goes to throw them away. Jaebum sits on the sofa and stares at him but doesn’t say anything.

“I’m glad you’re back,” Namjoon says.

“Me too,” Yoongi whispers. He thinks he can finally get his life on track.

-

Jaebum’s phone is ringing on the nightstand, vibrating obnoxiously. Jaebum ignores it and Yoongi asks, “Don’t you want to get that?”

“No. I know who it is. I don’t want to talk to him.” Jaebum shoves his face into the pillow. Yoongi gently smoothes his hand over the nape of his neck. “His name’s Mark.” Yoongi hums to show he’s listening. “He was my best friend, we lived together, but he kept telling me you weren’t real. He wanted me to be with him but I didn’t want to. So I left to look for you.”

Yoongi’s heart aches. “He wanted to be with you?”

“Yeah but I didn’t want him.”

“Did you…ever have a thing with him?”

Jaebum shakes his head and slides his thigh in between Yoongi’s leg, getting closer to him. “I know why you’re asking me that. And no, I didn’t. I knew there was someone else I was supposed to be with.”

Jaebum’s words calm Yoongi. Yoongi laughs softly, “Cheesy…” Jaebum smiles, reaching out to tuck Yoongi’s hair behind his ear. On Yoongi’s dresser, Jaebum’s snapback sits alongside his things.

Yoongi wonders why his memories of Jaebum never happened, why the memories Jaebum has of him never happened.

Maybe they happened. Just not in this lifetime.

Yoongi doesn’t want to think about it anymore. At least, the space in his chest has been filled. At least, he found what he was looking for.

At least, Min Yoongi finally has his Im Jaebum.

**Author's Note:**

> this is an old fic (originally posted 4/26/15 on lj) but i kind of want to move some of my old fics to ao3 so here's one!!


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